Every time I go to a product launch of user conference keynote I think the
same thing: Why does that devil music have to be so damn loud?
You never know what's going to happen once an executive takes the stage and
a demo gets underway, but you can pretty much guarantee the soundtrack beforehand
will be fast-paced yet impossible to dance to, repetitive and played at full
volume. In some cases they play actual songs, which makes you feel you're walking
into a hip club rather than a faceless convention center. A lot of the time
it's the aural equivalent of stock art: synthesized drumbeats and a tune that
sounds like it was designed for some sort of corporate version of a rave. Microsoft's
launch of Windows Server, SQL Server and Visual Studio 2008 was no different.
Hearing this stuff first thing in the morning is presumably supposed to get
everyone excited, energized about buying the products and putting them to good
use, but the effect once the music dies and the event actually begins is pretty
deflating. Then, when the music picks up again once the event's over, you kind
of feel like you've reached the end of a game show, except that no one is rolling
the credits.
As I waited for Microsoft to walk through its enterprise software lineup today
I imagined how much better the world (or at least the IT industry) would be
if some innovative company were to take the opposite tactic. That is, what if
they used ballads, instead of dance music, to introduce their breakthrough products?
Sure, a lot of IT guys are metalheads, but even the heaviest thrash-rockers
have been known to take it down a notch or two occasionally.
I tend to have the musical tastes of a pre-teen girl, but the following is
a list of suggestions that could help set the tone for a new kind of relationship
between vendors and the kind of IT managers they hope to woo.
"Wish You Were Here" (Pink Floyd) -- the yearning in the chorus would
be a perfect fit for remote access technologies connecting branch offices to
corporate headquarters, or even mobile workers operating somewhere in the field.
"All By Myself" (Eric Carmen) -- Yes, it's a little dreary, but can
you think of a better way to pitch collaboration software to siloed enterprise
users?
"I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" (Aerosmith) -- systems management
and application monitoring tools have never had the anthem they deserved. Until
now.
"Inspiration" (Chicago) -- The whole point of business intelligence
is sifting through data to come up with great ideas. Peter Cetera probably never
realized the real context of this tune.
"Imagine" (John Lennon) -- Sounds so much like something Apple would
use to unveil a personal computing device I'm surprised they haven't yet (as
far as I know). Would also fit for application development tools.
"I'll Stand By You" (The Pretenders) -- Network vulnerabilities can
give you a lonely feeling. Here's the jingle Symantec, McAfee and other security
specialists should use.
"I need you now" (Alias) -- Outsourcers only wish their customers
felt this way.
"Hello (Is it me you're looking for)" (Lionel Ritchie) -- enterprise
search is a journey, not a destination.
"Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" -- Okay, it would only be good
for Sun Microsystems, but at least they'd be able to tell a story about how
mission-critical their infrastructure is.
"Fallin'" (Alicia Keys) -- It's about a roller-coaster relationship.
Just like the one Microsoft has with its customers.
I'm open to other suggestions, of course. The point is that vendors aren't
necessarily conveying the right message with their fast-paced musical numbers.
They should be aiming for the slow dance -- the one where you really get to
know each other.
