Maybe there's Bigfoot news every day and I just don't notice. In my defense, I've been focused lately on more important matters, such as following the ongoing battle between Terran naval forces and fierce Reptoids from another planet launching attacks on Earth from underwater UFO bases near Antarctica in space vehicles that can travel 25,000 mph. So, yeah, Bigfoot's been on my back burner. But not today. In fact, I don't know where to begin, there are so many Bigfoot stories floating around. Let's start with the science-related one. According to Reuters, a university professor intends to raise more than $300,000 in private donations to build a camera-equipped, remote-control blimp that would float "over the U.S. mountain West in search of the mythic, ape-like creature":
Idaho State University has approved the unusual proposal of faculty member Jeffrey Meldrum, an anatomy and anthropology professor ridiculed by some peers for past research of a being whose existence is widely disputed by mainstream science.
Meldrum and "Falcon Project" creator William Barnes, who says he once saw a "well-manicured" Bigfoot
exit a barber's shop approach his tent in northern California in 1997, hope to launch the blimp next spring and are prepared for the search of remote forest from the Pacific Northwest down through northern California and Utah to take months.
That's if the dirigible ever gets off the ground. Reuters reports that "financial support for the venture has been slow in coming, with Meldrum failing so far to raise a single dollar for the effort." (Reuters, I hate to Monday-morning edit, but shouldn't "slow in coming" in this particular case be replaced by "non-existent"?) The back-up plan apparently is to land a reality TV show.
Perhaps the Falcon Project's fund-raising challenges are understandable. Why throw money at an expensive blimp to find Bigfoot when all you need is a man camping in Utah, just a man with a family, a camcorder and a YouTube account.
Here's the video taken by the YouTube guy known as Beard Card:
I'm not gonna lie. The video is underwhelming. Start inflating that dirigible.
Maybe we need to sweeten the pot. Not us personally, I mean a
sucker cable station like Spike TV, which has announced $10 million in prize money to the team that can provide incontrovertible proof that Bigfoot exists as part of Spike's new reality show "10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty." (Note to Jeffrey Meldrum: Your prospects of landing your own Bigfoot search reality show have diminished greatly. Nate Silver has them at 15%.)
This should be good programming for those viewers who seek a break from the frenetic pace of Hillbilly Handfishin'.
Finally, a Texas guy who calls himself Hardcore Outdoors took pictures of some "mysterious tracks" last October that Bigfoot experts are calling "the best physical evidence they have ever seen"!
If these tracks do turn out to prove Bigfoot exists, Spike TV may have to re-calibrate its new show. How about "10 Million Dollar Reptoid Bounty"?
Now read this: