The (literally) unbelievable UFO war in Antarctica

'Former U.S. military contractor and scientist' claims tsunami-making aliens are here!

You may not have heard about this, what with all the coverage of Hurricane Sandy and the U.S. presidential election -- not to mention the delightful diversion that is K-pop artist PSY's "Gangnam Style" (590 million YouTube views and counting since July!) -- but apparently there's a fierce ongoing battle in Antarctica between UFOs that can travel 25,000 mph and the naval forces of puny Earthlings from several different nations. At least that's according to one of the Earthlings, a guy named John Kettler, "a former U.S. military contractor and scientist," as he's described by the Exopolitics Institute News Service, an organization "dedicated to bringing to public attention news concerning extraterrestrial life and its public policy implications." Mind you, Kettler has not personally witnessed any UFO battles in the Antarctic or elsewhere. Rather, he attributes his intelligence to "highly sensitive sources." These highly sensitive sources tell Kettler: * The aliens have established underwater bases in two different oceans * Hundreds of warships, particularly from Asian nations, have been dispatched to deal with the "extremely aggressive" aliens, known as Reptoids * "Our people at sea are being preyed upon by the nightmare made flesh–interdimensional predators still being characterized" (say what?) * The war has spread through the entire Pacific Ocean and is being fought by a five-nation coalition. This is not according to Kettler's mere "highly sensitive sources," but to his "supersensitive terrestrial sources" * The Reptoids "have unleashed a fearsome new weapon–a tsunami generator"! * The Earthlings -- sorry, the Terrans -- are not without their own awesome arsenal of destruction. Kettler reports that "three Reptoid UFOs have been 'reduced to atoms' by U.S. space based disintegration beam weapons." Eat our disintegration beams, Reptoids! One wonders, of course, how all this excitement can go unnoticed by the rest of the world. I'm guessing that's due to either a gargantuan cloaking device, a mass brainwashing of the Terrans, or maybe, I don't know, something else -- like Kettler's "sensitive sources" are a tad off on the facts here. Even ExoNews, which promotes the existence of extraterrestrials, has its doubts, writing that the lack of confirmed sources makes Kettler’s "claims of an undeclared war between hostile extraterrestrial forces and a U.S. led naval coalition in Antarctica and/or the Pacific, something to be seriously questioned, if not dismissed altogether." This skepticism, by the way, comes from a site that has articles such as "Did US Navy battle UFOs protecting Nazi Antarctic sanctuary in 1947?" and "I was ‘Invited’ Aboard a Craft by 3 Androgenous Beings in Long White Robes." None of which is to suggest that I don't believe in life on other planets or even that we've been visited by extraterrestrials. But it's beyond me how we could be in the midst of a raging war with "extremely aggressive" aliens that fly spaceships at 25,000 mph and can manufacture tsunamis (how about "Frankenstorms"? Oh, wait, I forgot, Sandy is a "sign from God") with 1) no visual documentation, and 2) without getting our asses kicked. But the best evidence that the war with UFOs isn't real is that it's invisible on social media. We live in a universe where the Curiosity Rover checks in on Foursquare from Mars. Don't you think by now we'd be seeing #kickingreptoidbutt or #surrenderpunyearthlings hashtags on Twitter? You just gotta think these things through. Now read this:

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