Programmer personality types: 13 profiles in code

Programming personality type No. 11: The Agilist

Agilists are easy to find if you can just remember the schedule for the five different scrums. They're usually by the coffee machine, but the database team is experimenting with scrumming on the tightrope across the quad because simply standing still wasn't enough to keep everyone on task.

The most devoted Agilists like to hold code reviews where they get the whole department in the room to rewrite the code. If two pairs of eyes are good, why not get every pair of eyes, including the receptionist and the landlord?

Car: Motorcycle with sidecar Relationship status: Refers to spouse as co-family developer Household chore: Rearranging the modular sofa Role model: Siamese twins Pet: "I try to emulate Noah with all of my animals." Favorite programming construct: refactoring Drink: Constantly mixing scotch with water

Programming personality type No. 12: The Paranoid

If one layer of encryption is good, why not put in 10? And throw in a few digital signatures for good measure. But it can't be a keystroke-based signature because the key loggers can compromise those passwords. This will use a combination of mouse gestures and a custom USB dongle.

The Paranoid can be very useful when you're under attack, but they often fail to stand down the rest of the time. Why, they're probably still talking about adding security layers to the PDF of documentation you deliver for free.

Car:Retrofitted SUV with armor plating and hermetically sealed driver's compartment with oxygen backup Relationship status: Still waiting for clearance Household chore: Rekeying the lock to the bathroom Role model: Can't tell you Pet: "Doberman Pinschers and Rottweilers get along very well, you know." Favorite programming construct: AES Drink: Why do you want to know? Do you want to poison it?

Programming personality type No. 13: The Cutting-Edge Coder

Sure, last year's buzzwords were great, but that was then, and the latest experimental code is already boosting efficiency or response time by 1,200%. Or maybe it's scalability. Let me check my Twitter feed.

The folks on the cutting edge are already working with the committee to name the replacement for NoSQL. They've already rejected SQL++, SelectSQL, and SQL3000. The code isn't even sketched out yet, but choosing the right name will set the tone.

Car: Concept car from auto show Relationship status: Casual and seeking upgrade Household chore: Upgrading showers to latest bathing instrument Role model: Q Pet: "Labradoodles are so 2011." Favorite programming construct: Node.js for the next three weeks Drink: Anything small-batch, artisanal, and handcrafted

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This story, "Programmer personality types: 13 profiles in code" was originally published by InfoWorld.

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