Get your Glenn-on! Beck launches online discounts website

Controversial Fox News personality's has some deals for you!

Glenn Beck Mad as Hell.jpgImage credit: Mike Licht,

Maybe his Fox News career is coming to a close, but that doesn't mean Glenn Beck is just going to sit around waiting for the next Rapture. He has plans!

Not only is Beck taking on the socialists, communists, atheists and whatever other un-American "ists" you want to throw in there, his company, Mercury Radio Arts, just the other day launched an online discount deals site that will take on Groupon, which might as well close its thuggish Chicago-style doors right now.

(Also see: Obama, technology leaders to discuss secret plan for mobile-apps-based Muslim caliphate) debuted Monday with awesome offers from ("this is one sweet deal!") and LifeLock ("relentlessly protecting your identity"). But those are mere warmups for the fantastic discounts to come!

Shrewd shoppers soon will be able to take advantage of the following, once-in-a-lifetime offers:

* 30% off professional-quality Conspiracy Blackboards (with free box of white chalk)

* 25% off genuine GB-monogrammed Crying Towels

* 50% off Mindless Political Invective

* 75% off Beck's blockbuster book, "The Overton Window," autographed by the three guys who actually wrote it

* 90% off leftover T-shirts from Beck's "Restoring Honor" rally (extra-large only)

* 15% off used, sterling silver coke spoon

* 80% off Roger Ailes dartboard

* 33% off "Nailin' Palin" porn DVD (previously viewed)

* 25% off Austrian School of Economics primer (comic book)

* 50% off Beck-authored humor tome, "Funniest Miscarriage Zingers for Radio"

* 40% off "Beck for President" bumper stickers and campaign buttons (you know, just in case)

Such deals!!!

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