Socialist computer overlord to control army of surveillance hummingbirds

Glenn Beck's nightmarish government-technology conspiracy unfolds before puny humans

Recently I blogged about Fox Network personality Glenn Beck's heroic efforts to warn Americans about a secret plot between the U.S. government and tech companies, particularly Google, to bring the "change that the Washington elites have designed." (Also see: Obama, technology leaders to discuss secret plan for mobile-apps-based Muslim caliphate) This idea didn't just pop into Beck's head. The man does his homework. He looks for patterns, connections. Why is this person talking to that person? Have both of them ever been to San Francisco? Well, isn't that interesting? On Thursday night there was a well-publicized meeting between President Obama and a number of tech leaders in Silicon Valley, including Google CEO Eric Schmidt. This week, of course, Beck blew the lid off Google's conspiracy with the administration by brandishing this smoking gun: "It seems to me that Google is pretty deeply in bed with the government. Remember, maybe this is explaining why Google is being kicked out of all the other countries." Even a thuggish Chicago political street fighter knows it's useless to talk around that inconvenient fact. Getting back to Obama's secret summit with the tech leaders, if you watch the video footage below, you see that the first person to greet Obama at the airport is an older Asian man. Are we not supposed to notice this? It's just one big coincidence, right? That's what they want you to believe. Again, it's all about patterns. So while the president is conspiring on the Left Coast with foreigners and tech leaders who have created powerful devices that can read our minds and control our thoughts, what else was going on this week? I know! How about that IBM computer, Watson, beating those Jeopardy champions! Wasn't that the darndest thing? Several headlines about Watson's victory referred to "puny humans," as if the headline writers themselves were machines. As if. And did you know that way back in 1935, IBM won a federal contract to maintain employment records for 26 million people prior to implementation of the Social Security Act? That's right, Big Blue is always ready to keep records on millions of Americans for the U.S. government. And now it has a computer that is smarter than our smartest game-show contestants. Finally, this: Pentagon researchers have developed a tiny robot spy drone that looks like a hummingbird. You know what this means? Soon we'll live in a world where any bird can be spying on you, transmitting data to a brilliantly evil master computer whose sole job is to enable the change that the Washington elites have designed. From there it's a small step to re-education aviaries. You see, they think you're too dumb to make these connections. But Glenn Beck isn't. I'll take Loss of Liberties for a thousand, Alex.

Chris Nerney writes about the business side of technology market strategies and trends, legal issues, leadership changes, mergers, venture capital, IPOs and technology stocks. Follow him on Twitter @ChrisNerney.

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