How to avoid being nude or rude on Facebook

Posting nude pix of your ex on Facebook could land you in the slammer. Don't believe me? Read on for the sordid details.

In our last episode of TY4NS we discussed why logging onto Facebook and comparing your boss to portions of your anatomy not normally exposed to sunlight is probably not a good idea, unless you enjoy cashing unemployment checks.

Today’s lesson in social media etiquette: Don’t post nude pix of your significant other on Facebook after he/she/it has dumped you. Or even before. It won’t end well. Trust me.

According to a report on the All Facebook blog, a 20-year-old man in Wellington, New Zealand, is looking at some quality time in the poky for posting nude photos of his girlfriend to her Facebook profile.

[ See also: How to avoid being drunk and disorderly on Facebook ]

Joshua Simon Ashby apparently violated the morality and decency sections of NZ’s Crimes Act by posting the images, which were briefly available to all 500 million Facebook users. He’ll soon be spending the next four months contemplating more appropriate uses of social media while trying to not drop the soap in the shower.

Ashby also stole his ex-GF’s clothes, snapped her cell phone in two, and sent her threatening text messages. In his defense, he admitted to a history of substance abuse and anger issues. Gee, ya think?

But he’s not the only teen undone by posting in anger. Last August, an unnamed 18 year old in Winnipeg was sentenced to six months in jail after he created a bogus Facebook page for his 16-year-old ex girlfriend and posted naked pix of her she’d snapped with her cell phone. He was nailed for distributing kiddie porn.

Could the same things happen here? Absolutely. In fact, I think there are some valuable lessons in these examples for us all.

Lesson #1: You gave your significant other your Facebook password? What in Zuckerberg’s name were you thinking? Don’t do that.

Lesson #2: Never let your sig-oth snap pix of you in the altogether. Sure, it’s all fun and games until somebody puts an eye out. Trust me, if there is a digital picture of you in the buff there is a 98.796 percent chance it will end up on the InterWebs. In fact it’s probably there now.

Lesson #3: If you must enact revenge on an ex-lover by showing the world exactly what you will never ever ever have again -- which, if you think about it, makes you look like an even bigger loser than you already are, not to mention a supreme d*****bag -- don’t do it on Facebook or any other social network tied to a real identity. You can be easily tracked down, and said social network will be highly motivated to help the police find you. There are plenty of sleazy, more anonymous Web sites that cater to this sort of material (or so I’ve heard).

Lesson #4: If you must let your boyfriend take lurid snaps of you, and you manage to wrest them away from him, I’d be more than happy to help you get rid of them. Just email copies to me and I’ll make sure they never get posted anywhere ever again. You believe me, right?

Lesson #5: Don’t believe me.

ITworld TY4NS blogger Dan Tynan would like to make it clear that any alleged nude photos of him on the InterWebs are really just his head Photoshopped onto Jennifer Aniston’s body. Catch his not-nude-just-rude humor site eSarcasm (Geek Humor Gone Wild) or follow him on Twitter: @tynan_on_tech.

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