A serious misuse of engineering skills

The heated continuous-flow recirculating gravy fountain

The odd thing about this is not that it is a recirculating gravy fountain that keeps up a heated stream of continuously mixed gravy available to slather the turkey and stuffing.

It's not even that it was first published before Thanksgiving, 2008 and there have been no reports entire families dying of acute, short-term infarction or drowning while doing upside-down shots with their under the gravyfall. Given the American appetite for gravy, I have to assume not many saw the story.

The oddest thing about it is that the heated continuous-flow recirculating gravy fountain is presented as a how-to, implying that the inventor believes other people also want to build a continuous-flow recirculating gravy fountain. There are obvious long-term health risks to that, but there is a much greater short-term risk that gravy-addled Thanksgiving feasters will drown while sticking their heads upside down in the current of gravy, or doing upside-down gravy shots. Overall, the risk is far too great even for the awesomeness that is the heated, continuous-flow recirculating gravy fountain.

Going to the trouble of building a heated, continuous-flow recirculating gravy fountain in which you can then drown is also a tackily obvious bid for a Darwin Award. Don't tempt fate, or evolution. Just the fact that the men-cooking-badly aisle at Wal-Mart is packed with not-necessarily-fatal deep-fat turkey fryers rather than heated continuous-flow recirculating gravy fountains is good evidence that there are limits beyond which even cleverly misused engineering skills should not go.

Think about it. Have a good Thanksgiving.

Kevin Fogarty writes about enterprise IT for ITworld. Follow him on Twitter @KevinFogarty.

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