June 16, 2014, 10:04 PM — Much of the email that I delete without opening gets ditched because of its very annoying or ridiculously inane subject lines. Here are my top 12, best to worst.
12) Will you be attending today's meeting?
OK, so maybe, just maybe, I didn't notice the email you sent two weeks ago, one week ago, five days ago, and yesterday. But, more likely, I'm ignoring your repeated attempts to get an hour of my time because I'm just not interested. I'm a busy Unix admin/security specialist/writer/teacher/web admin and I don't like to clutter my weekly calendar with meetings unless they pertain to something that's a hot part of my to do list.
11) Can we meet?
I guess I should be flattered, but I'm not. I've received email from a lot of people who sound like they desperately need a friend, but why me? You just have a feeling that we'd be best friends? Or did you send that message out to a thousand people just to see how many goodhearted or maybe overly trusting people you could find?
10) Last chance to ...
In my way of looking at things, last chances are almost always a bad thing. Last chance to buy something at a discount, last chance to contribute before a big deadline, last chance to enter a drawing ... And, whenever one of those last chances gets followed soon after with a "Deadline extended!" subject line, I'm left wondering about the fluidity of deadlines. Anything to put pressure on your email recipients? I don't think so.
9) Must read!
Really? And just why must I read your all important email? Most of these turn out to be single line messages trying to coax me to go to some URL that is likely to leave me with a nice malware infection. The contents of these messages is generally something like "This is really cool", "You've got to see this", or just "Click on this link!" and the link will be something like http://bignews.yuadsh.com" and from an address like Jane Doe (firstname.lastname@example.org)". Uhuh, sure, Jane.
8) Win a free ...
Offers to win free stuff are fairly common. I get several a week. But even those that sound legit are put-offs. "The first 50 people to click on this link will win a $50 iTunes card". Even if I believe the offer is legit, I always figure a thousand or more people have read and responded to the email before it even landed in my inbox. So, what's the point?
7) [Some big shot] wants to meet you
If President Obama or Robert Redford or Brad "I want to check you for ticks" Paisley wants to meet me, all they have to do is ask. I don't need to contribute $25 or more and enter a drawing. I'll just dress up and show up for them. No questions asked. Please, guys, email me right now.
6) ALL CAPS
ANYTHING TYPED IN ALL CAPS ANNOYS ME SO MUCH THAT I WON'T BOTHER READING IT. UNLESS IT'S FROM MY BROTHER WHO (UNFORTUNATELY) DOES THIS, IT'S JUST NOT WORTH WHAT IT DOES TO MY NERVOUS SYSTEM. See what I mean?