Smartphone cameras will crash the cloud, smother the Internet

Gartner: Consumers will embrace cloud (then smother it with LOLcats and 'funny' pictures)

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You might. Most consumers won't, even if they can find the file or account.

Cloud providers can do it, with stricter storage limits or fewer free cloud-storage accounts. They can't teach consumers discipline and evangelize the whole cloud thing at the same time, though. Cloud providers want consumers to use their clouds, even use them badly if the money is good enough.

Storage providers would be cheering Gartner's prediction of disaster, if their throats were not already hoarse from cheering the last several waves of clouditization, virtualization, multi-devicilization and BYODity that have been driving sales nearly hard enough to make storage interesting.

No one is talking about the downside of all that data weighing down the global IT infrastructure and threatening what we hope will become our way of life.

Instead of flying cars and jetpacks (which would have finally become real if they weren't killed-by-bytes of consumer data), or screaming-fast quantum computers that let us play video games faster than ever, we'll be dealing with the digital version of arteriosclerosis.

Giant deposits of consumer data will clog the wide-open pathways of the intertubes, slow every legitimate data transfer and take back every big leap in bandwidth by slowing us back to 2012 speeds.

Every cloud provider will be driven to distraction (or bankruptcy) by the constant need to upgrade; storage vendors will waste gas and pump more global-warming gasses into the atmosphere driving to the bank over and over and over, laughing hoarsely all the while.

Even enterprise IT budgets will be strained by employees who manage to disguise personal files as "real" data.

Unfortunately, no matter how bad the larding of consumer data onto the Internet becomes, the picture will not be as darkly satisfying as I suggested.

Chunks of gangrenous cloud will die and fall away from the main body, but they won't drop onto the heads of the consumers whose data hoarding caused the problem in the first place.

The epidemic of bad photography, "funny" videos and elaborately obvious PhotoShops labeled "totally legit" will do nothing to crush the perpetrators, in fact. It will crush only those who have to pay for all the storage, maintain all the hardware and networks crowded with dreck and those hoping a transaction or email or TV show will complete quickly so they can go on with the rest of their lives.

Hopes will be crushed. Time schedules will be crushed. Support staffs will be worn down to faint signs of past erosion.

Photo Credit: 

icanhascheezburger.com

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