December 12, 2007, 1:14 PM — Networking is the key to success in business, says Keith Ferrazzi, business
coach and author of Never
Eat Alone, a book about the power of relationship building and networking.
It helps you find jobs, recruit talent, win new customers and discover investors
who'll support your ideas.
But networking is a trial for shy people - geeks especially. They view it as
insincere at best, manipulative at worst. They eschew networking for a variety
of reasons including lack of confidence, fear of rejection and a sense of unworthiness.
If they could just relate to others more easily, if they just possessed more
self-confidence and weren't such self-conscious wallflowers, the world would
be their oyster, and schmoozing would be so much easier.
It is possible for shrinking violets and shy guys to master the skill of networking.
They just have to realize, says Ferrazzi, that successful networking is all
about building intimate, sincere relationships based on mutual generosity, not
duplicity, and that they can't achieve their career goals on their own. They
have to network their way to success.
If you're struggling to meet new people, here's some common-sense advice for
increasing your networking mojo.
Start Small
If the idea of approaching people you don't know intimidates you, begin your
networking efforts by seeking out familiar faces, such as relatives and friends.
"You can do a significant amount of valuable networking without ever having
to make a cold call," says Lynne Sarikas, the director of Northeastern
University's MBA Career Center. "Starting with a known [contact] instead
of an unknown demystifies the [networking] process and helps get a shy person
over the hurdle." A series of successful conversations will make you more
confident in the process, Sarikas adds.
A logical next step after talking with friends and family is to pursue individuals
who graduated from your college. Your alumni network can be a gold mine of connections,
says Sarikas. It exists for the purpose of networking, so contacting an alum
out of the blue shouldn't feel like a cold call. After all, they joined the
network to make and take such calls.
Stop Apologizing
Introverts and inexperienced networkers often apologize when asking for an
individual's help because they see networking as an imposition, not as an exercise
in relationship building, says Sarikas.
"They feel like they're asking someone to do them a favor. They don't
think they're worth someone else's time so they're apologizing for it,"
she says.
Apologizing merely demonstrates your lack of professionalism and confidence.
It's also annoying and juvenile. You don't have to apologize for asking for
help. You don't have to apologize for wanting to learn more about the individual
with whom you're networking. One day you may be able to help her out.
Tap into Your Primal Instincts
"Humans are hard-wired as communal, tribal animals, so the shy person
isn't shy by nature," says Ferrazzi. "They are shy by design. Something
happened to them to make them want to recoil."
Sometimes, when an introvert hears that he's not inherently a loner, that humans
are innately social creatures, the realization helps him emerge from his shell
of shyness, he says.
Be Yourself
Many introverted professionals think they have to act like an extrovert in
networking situations. While you do have to make an effort to be more gregarious
than normal, you shouldn't be artificial.
"You don't have to be the schmoozer," says Never Eat Alone's Ferrazzi.
The problem with the schmoozer's approach to networking is that he doesn't have
the right intent: He's not interested in helping other people-only himself,
says Ferrazzi.
"Be the authentic, aw-shucks, humble, shy person you are. It can be endearing.
Don't try to be something you're not," adds Ferrazzi.
In other words, it's OK if you're a little awkward. Just don't keep apologizing
for it.
Tap into Your Passions
Sarikas recommends joining clubs and attending events that relate to an interest
or activity you enjoy. If you're a budding oenophile, attend a wine tasting
at your local liquor store. Eager reader? Join a book club. Can't get enough
of the pigskin? Attend a football game or watch one at a bar.
