* My desk is dotted with several pairs of nifty-looking Bluetooth ear buds that have my DNA on them in the form of ear wax (I know: ewwww). Ditto for various MP3 player ear buds. The FTC is more than welcome to come to my office and collect them.
* I have received at least 217 company T-shirts featuring the dorkiest logos known to mankind. The ones I didn't give to Goodwill I used as rags for washing my car. I know I'm not the only one who did this. (Seriously, if you live in San Francisco or New York long enough you'll see homeless people with Ashton Tate and Corel on their chests.)
* I have downloaded at least 483 different free software programs for review, almost six of which proved useful. The rest clogged my hard drive, crashed my system, or both. So far nobody has paid me for the time it took to fix those problems, but I'm still holding out hope.
* At one time or another, I have owned 127 USB thumb drives of varying capacities that once contained press materials but were subsequently erased, reused, and lost. Some of them contained my vacation photos, so if you find one with pictures of a guy who's eaten too many cheese cubes wearing an incredibly dorky T-shirt, please send me an e-mail.
* Oh yeah: On one occasion, an extremely attractive PR woman rubbed up against me, but it's unclear whether she was trying to create a favorable impression for her client or simply reaching for her purse. (In either case, I remember it fondly.)
Ah, I feel so much better now. Thanks FTC, for letting me get that off my chest.
Got anything you want to confess? Have you tried that Alpo Chop House? E-mail me: firstname.lastname@example.org.
This story, "This blog has been brought to you by the Federal Trade Commission," was originally published at InfoWorld.com.