Help, my mother is cyber-stalking me on Facebook!

No matter how careful you are, you can't really control what people -- including your newbie mom -- can find out about you on Facebook


It seems like every day I hear from someone who’s decided to take an extended vacation from Facebook, with the idea of possibly turning it into a permanent one. Their reasons vary, but they usually revolve around one of two things: Facebook is taking time away from more worthwhile things in the real world, or the world’s biggest social network has made their private lives a bit too public.

The latter reason is far more common, especially now that Graph Search is here, making it easy to find, say “mothers of Jews who like bacon” or “Single women who live nearby and who are interested in men and like Getting Drunk.”

Source: Actual Facebook Graph Searches

Recently though, I heard a story that tops them all. An old work colleague of mine, whom I haven’t seen for a good 15 years (outside of Facebook, natch) announced she was shutting down her account because she was being cyber-stalked by her estranged mother.

That post caught my attention, so I got in touch with my old friend, whom I’ll call Lauren (not her real name, obviously). Lauren had worked in or near the high tech industry for years, and while she isn’t a geek she’s not a novice either. Because she’s a working actress, she’s especially careful about keeping a solid black line between her public persona and her private life.

“I felt I’d done everything I could to protect myself on Facebook,” she says. “I don’t put really personal stuff up there. I think I am somewhat discriminating about who my friends are. I tried to make sure that only the people I knew could see my stuff.”

Lauren had decided to not allow her mother, whom she keeps at arms length for personal reasons, to become part of her Facebook posse. But that didn’t stop Lauren’s mom from making Facebook connections with some of her other friends, and one friend in particular: an ex fiance (we’ll call him Bill) with whom her mother had “a weird obsession.”

And that’s how Lauren found out her mother was secretly following her life on Facebook.

“On New Year’s Day my mother calls me and says, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Bill has contracted diabetes and gone blind,” she says. “My first reaction was shock. Then I began thinking about this. If Bill had really wanted to to tell me he would have let me know. Do I really need to be hearing this thanks to some weird twisted Facebook functionality? If my mom, who is 75, can do this, who else can find out stuff about me? That’s when I started thinking, this is not worth it.”

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