4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"
As much as they love the thought of upgrades, users seem to loathe the thought of updates -- the system updates that pop up on their computers and make them wait an extra 200 seconds before powering on in the morning or shutting down at night. It's not like those updates do anything important like fix critical bugs or improve system security, do they?
To be fair, part of the resentment probably stems from the fact that Microsoft delivers approximately 4,972 updates per month that take an average of 70 gazillion hours each to install -- but still, phoning up the IT guy to harass him every time doesn't make the process go any faster.