The Weekly Hash - February 8, 2013

From the world’s new largest prime number to the key to BlackBerry 10’s success in Canada to one group not happy with all the bugs Microsoft is squishing, we make fun of some of the this week’s top tech stories

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Image credit: ITworld/Phil Johnson

So, last weekend Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring and now the whole northeastern United States is about to get buried in 12 feet of snow. Lesson learned: never trust an oversized rodent to predict the weather. 

For those of you socked in because of Nemo, or for those of you just looking to kill a few minutes, here now are some topical tech-related jokes. Enjoy and happy Friday everyone! 

[Find the next big prime number, win cash and glory and BlackBerry Z10 tips, tricks and shortcuts]

Dr. Curtis Cooper of the University of Central Missouri has discovered the world’s largest known prime number, which has more than 17 million digits. Dr. Cooper has now discovered three of the world’s four largest prime numbers - and the world’s worst pickup line.

On Monday Oracle released another Java update, to fix 50 more security vulnerabilities. Just to be extra safe, in addition to installing the update, Oracle also recommends that users wipe down their computers with Purel.

Michael Dell announced this week that he’s buying back Dell Computer for $24.4 billion. It’s a good deal; for that price he gets the company he founded plus one free year of antivirus of software.

BlackBerry said this week that the launch of their new BlackBerry 10 device had the best first day ever for one of their new smartphones in Canada. They attribute the successful Canadian launch to their new OS, improved hardware and a free side of back bacon with each phone. 

Twitter announced on Tuesday that they’ve bought social TV analytics company Bluefin Labs. Twitter says Bluefin is a perfect fit because they have fewer than 140 people.

The IT department at the U.S. House of Representatives has blocked members from accessing Spotify. Representatives were disappointed but confident that they could find other ways to waste time.

The U.S. Federal Reserve said that hackers got into their system and stole contact information for thousands of bank executives. The Fed said the people involved are evil, law-breaking scum - and those are just the bank executives.

A new study finds that a quarter of people say Facebook is less important to them than it was a year ago and more than half took a long break from it during the past year. Experts are hopeful about getting the same results next year for Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Microsoft said they will be releasing a massive security update next week to patch 57 bugs in IE, Windows, Office and Exchange. They’ve killed so many bugs that earlier today they were scolded by PETA.

NASA said this week that asteroid 2012 DA14 won’t hit the Earth when it passes close by on February 15. Just to be safe, though, Michael Bay, Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis are standing by, ready to make a crummy new asteroid movie.

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