Together, we all can save Goldman Sachs

Sharp downturn in investment bank's earnings sparks patriotic call to action

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If those assets aren't "in play," consider cutting your food budget in half. Some of you could stand to lose some weight, anyway.

You also might want to consider dispensing with luxuries such as "heat" and "electricity," at least for a few months. You can shift to alternative energy sources, such as burning furniture. Besides, before you know it, spring will be around the corner!

If you're willing to go the extra mile and have children, consider "turning them out." To some that may seem like an extreme suggestion, but consider it part of their education. After all, it's never too early for them to learn the ways of the world. They will thank you someday, perhaps when your prison sentence is concluded.

With another quarterly report due just three months hence, time is of the essence. Goldman needs you. America needs you. But mostly Goldman. So do your patriotic duty and make a non-tax-deductible donation today. And bring a smile to an avaricious banker's face.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Chris Nerney writes about the business side of technology market strategies and trends, legal issues, leadership changes, mergers, venture capital, IPOs and technology stocks. Follow him on Twitter @ChrisNerney.

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