May 02, 2011, 10:37 AM — Dear Apple,
Admittedly it might take a bit of tweaking, but the reported theft of a MacBook Pro by a prostitute from a man who allegedly refused to pay after she performed certain services provides you with the ingredients for a viral (or is it "virus"?) marketing campaign.
First, the facts (as reported in the Glendale (Calif.) News-Press):
Two San Diego women were arrested Sunday on suspicion of stealing a laptop from a man who allegedly refused to pay one of them for sex at a local motel, police said.
Sauceray Boyd, 21, and Kandalaria Freeman, 19, were taken into custody Sunday afternoon in connection with burglary and grand theft after police found the $2,800 MacBook, which was in Freeman’s pink suitcase, according to police reports.
I like the pink suitcase detail. In fact, Apple, I think a pink MacBook Air could be a winner. Just throwing out an idea.
Back to the story: Freeman tells police she's a prostitute and dancer
studying to be an endocrinologist who was owed $200 by a "client" staying in a fleabag motel frequented, according to the News-Press, "by parolees and gang members" (and, evidently, prostitutes).
The guy wouldn't pay up -- Freeman told cops he got angry and stormed out of the motel room -- so Freeman, who needed the cash for her train trip back to San Diego, and her friend took the laptop. Because, as you know, laptops are accepted as legal tender for all forms of mass transit in the U.S.
The alleged "john" then calls police and says his laptop was stolen while he was at church! A tip led police to Boyd and Freeman at the local Amtrak station.
So what do we have here, Apple? We have sex, betrayal, theft, danger, technology and even religion. That's a heady brew in the hands of the right marketing team!
How about a YouTube video shot as a grainy surveillance tape where you see a prostitute absconding from a seedy motel room with a MacBook Air (or, really, any Apple product)? Underneath would be a simple caption (slogan). Some ideas:
* MacBook Air: Worth More Than (Some Forms of) Sex
* Sex Workers Choose MacBook Air
* MacBook Air: A Prostitute's Only True Love
You can run with it from there, Apple. I'm just giving you a start.
Now, I know this "down-market" demographic is out of your comfort zone, Apple. But the truth is, you're a little prissy. It's a brand new "Jersey Shore" world out there, and you need to loosen up. Plus a lot of prostitutes target a much higher level of clientele (think Eliot Spitzer) and thus have more discretionary income.
Good luck with the marketing campaign, Apple. I'm available for consultation at the rate of one MacBook Air per hour.