June 15, 2012, 4:14 PM — Ever looked at the paper kids' menu in a cheesy Chinese-ish restaurant wondering why you have to put up with being compared to a Rat, a Pig or a Goat just because of the year you were born?
Western zodiacs that apply anthropomorphic characteristics to the hallucinations bronze-age drug users assigned to sections of sky on the assumption that even when they stopped tripping they'd be able to see the same pattern in the relative location of spots of light caused by
flaming balls of gas trillions of miles away.
Hallucinations are so much more flattering! Unless you're a Scorpio.
Fortunately comic book imagery and the creativity of geeks rides to the rescue in the form of the Geek Zodiac, a well-established mythos based on both new and traditional superhero memes that define the infinitely subtle character of the human heart according to its resemblance to Pirates, Aliens, Robots, Ninjas and the Undead.
Created in 2011 by James Wright and Josh Eckert by assigning comic-book characters, memes or types to their childhood friends, Geek Zodiac now fuels a weekly comic, blogs by the creators and a small mail-order business in T-shirt and poster versions of the Geek Zodiac , in full color.
It's not any more accurate than the real Zodiac (Chinese or Western). It does name all the big characteristics of human personality, though, just as traditional zodiacs do.
That should allow for as much interpretation of our characters and our fate as can be supplied by learned interpreters of the way the path of our lives is laid out in the stars (psychics not currently imprisoned for fraud or dangerous emotional imbalances).
Bonus element: Yin and Yang. Each Geek Zodiac sign comes with a pithy description of the attractive aspects of personality they represent, and the dark side of those same characteristics: