January 25, 2009, 10:37 PM —
If you've been in the technology field for any length of time, you've probably learned that the jobs in the field aren't exactly of the nine to five variety. These positions can consume you and take over your life, leaving little for anyone else. In these hard economic times, little things can go a long way toward helping you keep your sanity as your employer asks you for more and more. What can you do to have a life while, at the same time, meet the needs of your company?
I'll be the first one to admit that I tend to work a lot. I have a full-time job as the CIO of Westminster College, I write books, articles & blog postings and I'm trying (and failing handily!) to finish my currently unfinished basement (anyone else hate sheetrock as much as I do?). However, over the past few years, life has changed a lot, forcing me to reexamine and reprioritize things. I have a great wife, a five year old son (Ryan), a four year old daughter (Isabella) and four cats that depend on my income, but also depend on me as a person to help grow and nurture them.
About two-and-a-half years ago, I changed jobs for a whole lot of reasons, mainly having to do with the sheer number hours my physical presence was required at the office. 80 hour weeks were common and working from home was not a supported activity. To be fair, I continue to work quite a lot of hours and give my all to my employer, but I have learned a few things along the way that have helped me stay happier and saner while continually "doing more with less!" Not all of the things my wife & I do to try to balance things are workable for everyone, but some of these tips might help you if you're trying to figure out your own balance.
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I live close to work. My total commute is seven minutes. Because my job tends to involve weird hours and events not related to IT, this was a primary consideration when we moved to Missouri. If I feel like it, I can just run home for a few minutes, hug the kids, and head back to the office.
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My wife stays home. When we had our first child in 2003, we were living in Germantown, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, D.C. My wife was making pretty good money at a law firm in D.C., but she made a decision that she wanted to stay home with our family. Affording a single-family home in 2004 in the D.C. area on a single income wasn't exactly part of our plan, unless we wanted to live in a tiny place exactly 2.5 feet from our closest neighbor. So, we moved to a lower cost area and, from there, to Missouri for my current job at Westminster, which I love. Now, my better half takes care of the house and kids, leaving me free to work as much as I need. And, I can't say enough about her. She rolls with whatever comes along. If I need to work late or go out of town for business, she's all about making sure we're both successful in our respective roles.
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The kids make unexpected visits to the office. A few times a week, my wife brings the kids by the office to say hello and so that they can steal snacks from my desk. Generally, when they stop by, the manage to separate me from a couple of bucks so that they can snag a drink from the machine outside my office.
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Lunch visits. In addition to impromptu office visits, my family comes by campus every so often to join me for lunch and sometimes dinner. I eat lunch on campus most days since our dining services is very good.
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Dinner with the family. Although it's not possible 100% of the time, I try to have dinner with my family as often as possible. Most nights, it happens.
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Let the wife have her alone time... and have the kids to myself! I can tell when my wife has had a rotten day. Spending most of her time with our adorable rugrats isn't always conducive to relaxation or her sanity. So, whenever I can, I hand her the keys to the car, find whatever book she's reading at the time and send her off to our favorite 24 hour establishment - Denny's - to enjoy a cup of brew so she can de-stress. Then, I get to handle the home stuff myself for a while. After all, this whole thing is a two way street!
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Involve the family in work events when possible. Each term, the College hosts a late night breakfast right before finals week begins. I like to participate in this activity and, when I do, I take one of the kids with me. They really enjoy the interaction with the college students and the students like seeing the kids run around in their pajamas. A number of the students have babysat for us, so the kids are among friends at these activities.
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Make the nightly pillow fight happen. My five year old and I have a relatively involved nightly routine involving throwing clothes at each other, having pillow fights, playing hide-and-seek, and a whole host of other activities. My daughter, when she's still awake, also participates. I can safely say that my son lives for these activities! They really mean a lot to him. Even though I have to work a lot, my kids get time they need.
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Realize that I am the breadwinner. I used to feel guilty for not spending 24/7 with my kids. I wanted to give them everything I could, but also need to make sure my career stays on track. I will admit that I'm sort of on the "live to work" side of the balance equation (I really like what I do and the whole technology field is a passion for me), but not even close to the way I used to be. But, the work I do is what keeps us housed, clothed and fed. It took me a while, but I ultimately realized that what I do every day - even if it takes a lot of my time - is crucial to my kids' well-being. I learned this both from my wife, who brings me back down when I start to worry about whether or not I'm spending enough time with the kids, and from some documentary that talked about this exact issue.
As the kids get older, I'm sure that what I do will have to change to adjust to new realities, just as we had to make adjustments when the kids came along. I've learned to find ways to make sure I give everyone whatever possible. Although it's not a perfect scenario, it's far from horrible! My kids are happy and healthy, my wife and I have a great marriage, I get to stay current with technology and write about it, and my employer gets 110%. Now, my staff at Westminster still thinks that I tend to be a little insane when it comes to work, but that's another story...
