Short straw people

December 15, 2004 —

If you're reading this at work, you're one of the short straw people. You drew the short straw - either literally or by dint of not being an executive - and you're working during "dead week" between Christmas and New Year. Sorry.

Be professional, and do not, I repeat not, yield to mischievous temptation while watching the clock drag slowly toward quitting time. Please don't replace the sugar in the sugar bowl in the executive break room with salt. That would be a bad thing to do, just as would scattering some salt packets in with the sugar packets, or leaving the tiny creamers out of the refrigerator for a couple of days.

Please do not, I repeat not, tinker with the computer of your coworker, who actually has less seniority than you but brown-nosed his way into a vacation this week leaving you holding the bag. A Hello Kitty desktop would be out of character for such a weasel, so don't be tempted to change the screen saver to an O'Reilly book cover showing small mammals with sharp teeth.

You know that blonde who can never remember her password and nags constantly as if it's your fault? Don't replace the peppermints in her candy dish with the red hot version bought at the mall prankster store. That would be totally unprofessional.

Do not reprogram all the stations on desktop radios. Do not swap CDs between cubicle mate's personal CD players. Do not swap one roller from one desk chair with another, different sized roller from a second desk chair. That would be unprofessional twice.

And for goodness sake, do not forget to delete this message. You do know what the word "evidence" means, don't you?

From one short straw person to another, let me wish you the best for the new year, and hope all the jerks transfer to other companies. And don't forget about that sugar bowl nonsense and ruin your own coffee.

James

ITworld.com, Enterprise Networking