Realizing that my social media system would be getting flushed out first thing in the morning, I climbed into bed, silently wept myself to sleep, and hoped the morning would never dawn.
But dawn it did, and here's how it all went down...
Monday (day 1)
7:30am - My first day without social media goes absolutely flawlessly -- until I get on the train to go to work. Unable to goof around on Facebook on my iPhone, I'm forced to fake sleep as a way to avoid eye contact with my fellow commuters. Gonne be a long one.
8:35am - Five minutes into my work day, I'm in desperate need of a break. I find myself checking the news by going directly to web sites, rather than reading it on Twitter -- just like they did in colonial times.
9:15am - Unable to express my irritation via Twitter with the overhead air conditioner that's buzzing loudly, I feel weak, powerless and oddly crampy.
10:20am - Last night Lebron James and the Miami Heat lost NBA finals to the Dallas Mavericks. I, unfortunately, am unable to read the Twitter and Facebook chatter about this major event, which means it may as well not have happened. Depression begins to set in, as you can plainly see.
10:51am - Now getting the shakes from social media withdrawal; it could also be from too much coffee.
12:30pm - I try to fill the void in my soul with a turkey sandwich (heavy on the jalapenos). After an initial burst of elation, (possibly due to the jalapenos) the tryptophan kicks in and I'm now sad and tired.
2:18pm - Desperate for human contact, I wander over to a coworker's cube to initiate an actual conversation; awkwardness ensues. I'm soon back in my cube.
6:10pm - Over dinner, I ask the kids what the trending topics at school were; after explaining what "trending" means, I found out they were Justin Bieber, gummi bears, and boogers.
8:47pm - Watching game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals with my wife. Since I have no other outlet, the poor gal is forced to listen to lame Zamboni joke after lame Zamboni joke. My week without social media is now hurting innocent bystanders.
9:15pm - In what would quickly become a trend, I give up, put on my SpongeBob jammies and hit the sack.