It's exciting, sort of, when Titans clash. In the mythical Californian kingdoms of Cupertino and Mountain View, Apple and Google dramatically have at each other. They show no mercy. As arms resound...
Wait, is this whole column a viral ad for Game of Thrones? Because that would make more sense.
Actually, if you're looking for the real reason for Heffernan writing this ridiculously overbearing piece, look no further than the end of the author blurb:
Her new book, Magic and Loss: The Pleasures of the Internet, will be published in early 2013.
Oooh, there's still time for the Macalope to make the section about how mean fanbois can be to people who are very reasonably pointing out how evil Apple is!
Sorry, Virginia, you were saying something about companies making poor choices that reflect badly on themselves just to make money. Please continue.
We should maybe be grateful, then, for incidents like this latest dustup over Apple Maps. It lays that greed and pettiness bare.
Not bare enough, apparently, as we're 500 words in here and you haven't brought up even one of the very real business reasons on the part of both Apple and Google that led to this. There sure have been a lot of dramatic allusions to mythological warfare, though.
The company's aesthetic of purity and perfection--however fascist in nature--...
Paging Mr. Godwin. Mr. Godwin to the white courtesy phone, please.
...is irresistible. But we shouldn't forget that Apple is everywhere--in our pockets, in our brains, all over our credit-card bills--for a reason. And it's not because the company loves us.
No. You're right. It's because they make awesome products.
Yes, Apple is a company and companies don't love. They don't feel empathy or compassion. They don't have hopes and dreams.
Neither, however, are they "narcissistic." They do not "feel afraid" and they most certainly do not have an "id."
So what was your point again?
Oh, right. Book sales.
Dear Apple: I have too much time on my hands
Prep your fainting couches because Apple has once again outrageously--outrageously!-- violated the sacred trust between giant computer company and its shrillest and most sensitive customers!
VentureBeat's John Koetsier keys "Dear Apple: Deleting your users' apps without notification is rude and arrogant" (tip o' the antlers to my glass eye).
"But, Macalope," you say. "A VentureBeat writer who comes off like an over-privileged, powdered-wig-wearing 18th-century monarch? Surely that cannot be right." Oh, but it is.
Yesterday, I pulled up the YouTube app on my recently updated iOS 6-sporting iPhone 4S. Or, I tried to.
Oh, no! Has someone stolen Koetsier's phone? Are his hands enfeebled by the condition known as "hot dog fingers"? Are aliens stealing our apps?
Turns out that Apple killed the app silently in the process of upgrading my phone to iOS 6.