November 13, 2012, 7:18 PM — There was a solar eclipse on Wednesday that was visible in Australia (see video below). This means -- at least if you buy into any of the following ancient (and not-so-ancient) solar eclipse superstitions -- that you can expect to read or hear about the following:
* The sun has been eaten by:
-- a dragon! (China)
-- a jaguar! (Latin America)
-- a turtle! (Vietnam)
-- a werewolf! (Romania)
-- spirits of the dead! (Serrano Indians)
* A rise in birth defects in Australia. Or maybe Mexico. Pregnant women in Mexico and elsewhere in Latin America still supposedly wear bright red panties with a safety pin stuck through them during solar eclipses, a practice based on ancient Mayan and Aztec beliefs that solar eclipses can cause birth defects. Except instead of panties and a safety pin, the ancients used red string an an arrowhead.
* Widespread disease in the Eskimo community due to the failure of Eskimo women to place their utensils upside-down, a surefire way to prevent the temporarily diseased sun and moon from poisoning people by shining their contagious rays onto spoons, forks and knives.
* The imminent death of a Chinese or Roman emperor
* The end of the world (though it's not likely you'll get to read about it after the fact)
* Return of the devil, the anti-Christ, blah blah blah
As ridiculous as the solar eclipse-related reasons and effects listed above are, there's an even more ridiculous belief out there, this one courtesy of the Rev. Clyde H. Higgins at christwire.org, who warned us last May before a rare "ring of fire" solar eclipse:
Look at the horrors faced by the ancient Sodomites and know that the rare ring of fire solar eclipse 2012 is being done by the angel of Johnny Cash himself!
God has nominated Johnny Cash’s angel to create this spacial phenomenon to remind everyone of a simple fact: a man should be a man. Men did not get much manlier than Johnny Cash my friends and his angel is surely up there, disgusted by all the gay marriage taking place since he ascended to heaven.
Johnny Cash’s angel and probably some others were dispatched to prove their power by moving back the Chinese Supermoon. The Chinese used their science to tractor beam it close to Earth, to try to scare Obama into surrendering our economy. Fortunately this is an election year or Obama would have pulled a France.
Of course, Christwire.org is a satirical site, but what Rev. Higgins wrote about the ring of fire solar eclipse isn't any crazier than this, is it?