Add to Win8: Ability to tell when wheels come off, not just when tires are fully inflated.

Even Win7's extensive self-help tools report everything is fine when it's not

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I try not to do that because the more clear the source is of your frustrations, and the skills deep enough to get you into trouble but not back out again, the more clear it becomes to other people how much of an idiot you really are.

It's a given that everyone in the computer industry is an idiot. Why else would people with higher-than-average IQs put up with not only using, but designing and building computers that morph themselves into sources of malicious energy they direct toward pissing of their owners in a serious way at least three times per week?

In this case it's not the end user's idiocy that caused the problem, or the really funny photos he or she loaded from MaliciousCode.com/WantSomethingWorseThanViruses? Minutes before searing to Tech Support that nothing changed before the laptop started bugling old burlesque songs and looping hardcore Smurf Porn on the flat-screen in the customer-reception area with no way to shut it off.

(I'm not saying that happened or didn't happen, just that it didn't happen in this case.)

In this case it's a gap – a whole series of gaps, in fact – in Microsoft's ability to identify conflicts that cause its Services to crash, configuration issues that sap performance by sending the same electron to the back of the 10 Queries or Less line ever time a request comes from an object-oriented module or function that may have missed one of the constant flood up updates, corrections, patches and replacements for code that was perfectly fine when it was written (because computers crashed slowly enough for you to save your own work), but are a disaster now.

Microsoft doesn't even have to fix all those things Not automatically. Not at all, in some cases.

But don't pretend you can tell me if there's something wrong with my Microsoft Windows and Applications Productivity Enhancing Integrated Software Development Environment if what you're really doing is just making sure files of the correct name are in the correct directories and none are currently on fire.

Read more of Kevin Fogarty's CoreIT blog and follow the latest IT news at ITworld. Follow Kevin on Twitter at @KevinFogarty. For the latest IT news, analysis and how-tos, follow ITworld on Twitter and Facebook.

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