The actual result is a karmic full circle – all the way out on a long, painful journey that, because of your incessant swearing and threats of violence against the inanimate (holding a big magnet in your hand makes those more effective) , the journey eventually returns you to your starting place. Barely functional, crashing every few minutes and forced to go back to Microsoft.com for more advice when you get far enough away from deadline to make sure you stay unchoked when the editors eventually figure out that Ohio, Iowa and Idaho are not only different states, but that I don't live in any of them.
I'm just hoping they don't know how to trace IP addresses and are too afraid of accounting – as all wise people are – to go ask them what my real address is. You have to tell accounting the truth or you won't get your checks, and, they imply heavily, will eventually go to hell.
I suspect that was the real cause of my computer problems; it wasn't sloppy software design, a slipshod approach by the vendor toward frequent patches and updates or the unimaginably complex mesh of interactions among services, apps, drivers, data, executables, large pictures and small rodents that inhabit our miracles of modern computing.
The real cause is that I pissed off the people that cut my checks, who used the direct line all accounting departments have to the karmic backplane of the universe to send me a recurring, humbling little kick in the pants.
Doesn't matter, though. Once I'm done here, this laptop is still going to get it.
Read more of Kevin Fogarty's CoreIT blog and follow the latest IT news at ITworld. Follow Kevin on Twitter at @KevinFogarty. For the latest IT news, analysis and how-tos, follow ITworld on Twitter and Facebook.